The Link Between Domestic Violence and Infidelity

As a Detective in the Domestic Violence Unit in the past, I have seen many situations where Domestic Violence and Infidelity are linked. 



Many victims visiting this website will be suspicious of their partner, going through a separation, after some evidence or just simply help and advice.


As Police officers, we are trained to see the tell-tale signs of domestic violence and the symptoms leading towards an escalation of violence. There are various models and theories surrounding the escalation of violence, but a simplified version is:


Antilocution ---> Avoidance ---> Discrimination ---> Physical Attack ---> Genocide


Many victims of domestic violence will experience these symptoms from left to right and it the job of law enforcement agencies to prevent the offender from reaching the last word.


Many victims of Infidelity will experience Antilocution. This is a form of discrimination in which negative verbal remarks against a person, group, or community, are made (in a public or private setting) and not addressed directly to the target.


Avoidance, controlling and coercive behaviour follows Antilocution and victims will now feel isolated and out of control. It is at this point that the offender feels in total control and can lead their double life.


The steps following this often happen as a victim tries to leave their partner and the offender’s lack of control can escalate into violence. This is the part where they say “I’m sorry for hitting you, you should just listen to me”. I’m not going into the last part of the model, as it speaks for itself. A total loss of control by the offender.


People are aware of your situation and the internet is saturated with voluntary groups and help lines. The Police do a great job in this area, but you will sometimes need outside help.


A controlling partner can often lead a double life and their behaviour within the home can often lead to criminal acts and infidelity away from the home. This type of character will be comfortable with the way they behave, as they feel in total control.


The use of a Private Investigator can assist in many ways and lead to a “peace of mind” for the victim and in some cases assist the Police with their investigations.


Elite Detectives cannot replace the job of the Police in such areas, but we can assist in collating the evidence and can advise you in Domestic Violence situations.


Your calls will be treated in the strictest of confidence and an ex-Police Domestic Violence Trained Detective will handle your case. Call now on 0800 772 3799.